The Hidden Cost of Self-Love: A Call to Spiritual Alignment

Podcast: Season 4 Episode 3 –

https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/zXBG5mV4TUb

This blog will be diving into a topic that might challenge some of our common beliefs, especially around self-love.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's absolutely true that we should love ourselves, we should embrace our strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses, and we should acknowledge the physical and the mental need of self-love.

There's also a spiritual aspect, though that actually takes precedence in order to truly influence and aid in the maintaining of all areas of your life to recognize a humility in recognizing the good and the bad within us with a compassion and an awareness and learn what it is that we thought was good, but was actually evil.

And that's where things get a little interesting because while we're quick to either accept those parts of ourselves or resist those parts of ourselves. The question is, how often do we truly reflect upon that? And without blaming, without suppressing the aspects, you do not like without forcing people to accept those aspects of us, what questions can we actually think about when it comes to what brought those behaviors, those beliefs, those habits, those perceptions and those emotions into our lives into our minds and into our hearts.

When did you begin taking things for granted or as things were the prevalent idea of self-love often feels like it stops, at mere acceptance, a pause, a reprieve to recover. In order for the process to begin again the cycle of continuing with our faults, our failures, the hurts the lashing out the wounds to the addictions and the destructive habits and mindsets that are slowly eroding us instead of truly healing us.

I had a powerful Aha moment recently, while reading about spiritual deliverance, there was quite a moment of revelation, when it came to reading Amos 3:3 KJV: " Can two walk together, except they be agreed?". And then in the 1 Corinthians 10:21AMP “You cannot drink [both] the Lord’s cup and the cup of demons. You cannot share in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons [thereby becoming partners with them].”

Reading further, in the Amplified Bible Footnotes

a. Amos 3:7 God has always warned of coming judgment in order that people may choose to change their behavior and avoid it. He warned Noah of the coming flood (Gen 6:13ff); Abraham and Lot of the future destruction of Sodom (Gen 18:17; 19:14); Joseph of the seven-year famine (Gen 41:30); Moses of the ten plagues on Egypt (Ex 7:1ff); Jonah of the destruction of Nineveh. Various prophets were told in advance about the captivities of the chosen people, and they came to pass because the warnings were disregarded. Jonah announced the destruction of Nineveh, but judgment was postponed following repentance. When later generations of Ninevites reverted to paganism and wickedness, the warning of Nahum was carried out against them.

So that was that foot note, and I kept thinking about things I've already to kind of talked about on my podcast before that. We are at war within ourselves as long as the light and the dark within us disagree. As an example, we have a challenging and emotional uncomfortable situation, always going on within us.

We can come into agreement with the healthy solution so the light within you can come into agreement with the light solution. Something that will edify to build up or be constructive, or we can come into agreement with the unhealthy toxic solution, so that the dark within you can come into agreement with the dark solution, something that you know will destroy or tear you down or corrupt, okay, and we also have that choice in many things. Just you have a light choice in anything…. a partner, a friend, something you choose to do, something you choose not to do… things of that nature….. your choices and what you come into agreement with.

If we're not fully aware of the doors, we've opened, allowing darkness to fill our vessels, it will always be challenging to align ourselves completely with light with Jesus. Why? Because we find ourselves in agreement, not just with light but also perhaps unknowingly with darkness every single day?

This is why darkness often wins in our lives. We are in agreement with those temptations, those addictions, those habits and those behaviors we’re essentially coming into agreement with that darkness. It's not about loving those dark parts of us, but it's about having compassion for them; it's about acknowledging the story behind it. Ultimately, it's about taking your power back..and casting the darkness out. When it comes to taking your power back and coming back into full agreement with Jesus and the light, we are called to hate evil.

And here's the crucial distinction….we are never meant to hate the person. This is where often we get it wrong we're so often at war with people, instead of the principles and the principalities of darkness that operate through people. Remember, we are all vessels, we can choose between light and dark and often the choices we made; the doors we've opened and allowed into our eyes, our ears, our body. The things we accepted as beliefs, behaviors, patterns, and perceptions were made because we thought it was normal, it was a way of life, a pattern it was a way to survive, it was a way this world had normalized the entry of those dark things into our lives.

On this journey I've learned that true self-love isn't about coddling the destructive elements within us it's about repentance, forgiveness, and casting out that darkness, it's about strengthening yourself against the temptations that will try to return.

It is about mastering yourself through examining your heart and considering your ways. Renewing your mind and reigning over sin and let nothing in this world master you. It is about reviewing the areas of compromise within us.

I've found some verses that That I put in here regarding our mind, our body, and our spirit, so I wanted to start with:

• Mark 12:30-31 that involves loving God with all your heart, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. This allows us to gain true understanding by prayers, reading, hearing, and being a doer of his word as written in the bible. In this journey, you recognize how important it is to love God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength, because it is about faith, it is about trust, and it is about your strength, ……because the other the opposite side of you, the dark aspects of you…. where you know, God is asking you to give up a certain addiction or a certain sin and that is where to love God with all your heart, your mind, and all your strength is required in order to break and reign over that sin in your life.

It is through prayer, it's through repentance, through forgiveness, and it's through your desire to change…. because that's what repentance is…. to change a way of thinking…. it's to change your behavior…. it's to change your ways.

And then I also came across, that I ask that you read these scriptures:

• 1 Corinthians 6:19, 3:16, 6:12-20 That basically mentions how our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is in us which we have of God. And we are not our own.

• 1 Corinthians 8:9 MSG - But fortunately, God doesn’t grade us on our diet. We’re neither condemned when we clean our plate nor reprimanded when we just can’t stomach it. But God does care when you use your freedom carelessly in a way that leads a fellow believer still vulnerable to those old associations to be thrown off track.

Now, this is something that it's not about our physical food, it's about our spiritual food.

How we're all on different levels and where you may have mastered Yourself, in one area. There's other people that are in different levels of their journey. They may be susceptible to falling back into temptation and falling back into their old ways…their old environments, or their old belief systems or a group of peoples that they hung around with…. certain environments that they used to be in and or those situations where, again, even in the world, if we're not talking about spirituality… what a role model is…. what a parent is…. what a mentor is……. if someone is trusting themselves with you, then you're needing to be on the up-and-up, no hypocrisy.

You are to have your own temptations and tests in this life, and while you're leading yourself and being your own self-led leader, to resist those temptation, someone else is as well, but they may not be strong in their self-leadership and that's why they paired with you in the first place.

So to make sure that you're walking that narrow path and being aware of exactly what you are doing within your freedom that can impact another person towards the light or towards the dark.

• 1 Timothy 4:8 AMP - For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything and in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.

I talk about how this world mirrors heaven when it comes to understanding it, it's like the prayer says, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.. So, we have a physical goal in this life, right? We are taking actions in our life so that we're being fruitful in our youth in our everyday life, but also in retirement, right? Well I'd like to think of it as in 1 Timothy 4:8 AMP as when it comes to our present life, just our life in general, not a 9-5 job, because our job is we're working for God, and it's to be of service and to do his will upon this earth. In this present life, we're working and then the life to come is going to be that spiritual retirement place. I talk about how we're spiritual debt “forgive our debts; as we forgive our debtors.”

We're to be living a righteous life and the Bible talks about all the ways in which we are to live our lives so that, we're not in a spiritual debt. We're not spiritually blind or spiritually deaf, but we're abundant within our knowledge of Jesus and what Jesus is, and what his sacrifice was for us and again living that life in this present life, but also so we store up those treasurers in the life to come.

Leading your life righteously and in the ways of influencing others, I found another scripture:

• 1 Timothy 4:12 EXB (Expanded Bible)- Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant [despise/disregard/look down on you] because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your ·actions [conduct; behavior], your love, your ·faith [faithfulness], and your pure life [purity].

Word Meaning - "Young" - Timothy 4:12 EXB, Jeremiah 1:7 NIV does not primarily refer to a chronological age, but rather to a relative lack of experience, maturity, or established authority compared to older, more seasoned leaders or teachers

So this again talks about how we're on our journey, we're all being self-led as individuals, and we're all on our journeys as individuals and also as a community. How we present ourselves and even while we're young, even while we're still learning, even while we're still developing… how we're still valued….we're still worthy. How we conduct ourselves, how we love, how we walk in faith….all these things, even though we're young, even though in these things we might be shaky, even though these things we may not be on solid ground with yet, you know, there's still so much that you could offer.

So do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant, despised, disregarded or look down on, you know, not even in just your spiritual walk, but in your walking general, because you're always learning, you're not going to be perfect in everything, right? You're not going to be perfect and everything, and you're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. You're going to be on shaky ground sometimes even in your physical walk, right, even in your mental walk, even in your emotional walk, there's going to be those times of you trying to get yourself right and learning and growing, right?

If you choose to love your demons, they will never leave you. They will slowly destroy you much like an abusive relationship. Then also, those people that you influence…. those people that look up to you, they too will mirror those things which you're influencing. It's not just about you. However, if you cast out those demons. If you refuse to accept those demons. If you repent, if you forgive, and release the anger and the hurt and the pain, the betrayal, the resentment, the bitterness, the offences that have occurred in your lives and you no longer take ownership of loving those things and holding on to them like a badge of honor of your anger and your age resentment. No longer accepting them as part of your identity. By taking responsibility for your choices that you've made that allowed them to even enter. That's where your freedom begins and that takes a lot of time and reflection …that takes a lot of time to humble yourself… and also takes a time to no longer look at the situation as the enemy, but look at it as an opportunity where grace can be placed and allow God to help you… allow Jesus to help you… allow the Holy Spirit to help you to heal. You know, this includes addressing continued unforgiveness towards those who have harmed you. That's not easy. We understand that, and I told you all the time in my podcast I was on quite of a journey to forgiveness and you know, the repentance of your own actions in those situations, and the ways of our thinking in those situations, those things are the things we have to look at to see what had allowed these things to even remain within you.

Not just, what put you in those situations, but why you've allowed them to remain within you, why did you allow it to become part of your identity? Why did you allow it to shape the other relationships in your lives and the decisions that you've made from that point on, right?

You know, the darkness does not want you to let it go. How does it keep you? By offering you a little bit of comfort here, then destroying you there. A little release here, then more destruction there.

But I have to be honest, interestingly, as you've read in the Bible, there is suffering to be in the light as well. You do not escape pain. And I discovered that on my own journey that I was running for a long time, running from pain of the past, discomfort, growth, and accountability. I was running even from God, and the things I sought for comfort were destructive, even if it was just Netflix, it was destructive. It was temporary, and it never solved anything. Life was passing by and once I got off the couch, the cycle resumed.

Even up to this point, they'll be times when as a form of escape where you will just sit down and watch TV instead of picking up the Bible. and you continue to pray about those things…you continue to search and examine yourself about those things, and there was this quote from Tony Robins that I put on my wall, and I wrote my notebook.

“It's been said that there are only two pains in life, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret, and that discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons”

So that quote and you can find a lot of quotes similar to that, but I learned ultimately is whether in dark or light, ignorance or knowing, running or facing your fears. There is something required of you.

I could tell you, I faced enough of the dark side of the pain, and I believe we all have. That when the journey of returning to God in the light. I explained, I thought everything will become easy, but it wasn't.

There was now the pain of being built back up…. for all the times and in all the ways I was broken down… no longer allowed to hide or run… nope, now, being raised up is the pain of renewing the mind, forgiveness, repentance, and all that entails.

In the dark, you were whipped about with emotions, desires, ambitions, and for a lot of us, we did not include God and in this walk that's where now God is considered first in all things.

To become empowered, it's for you to say no… I come out of agreement with this. This is not okay, acknowledge it, recognize it. That's the beauty too, where you're not aware of this, at first, you never were aware of it, maybe on some point you were, but as you continue on this path, you become more alerted to it and aware of it and you recognize that you have love of your father, Jesus, our Lord, our Savior, so that we will not chase or allow anything else to master or enslave us, and when it does, there's a gratitude because you know, you're not alone in facing those things.

So you come into this knowledge that I’m not okay with being lazy. I’m not okay with procrastinating against the things that are crucial for my growth. I'm not okay with being in an abusive relationship with the darkness within me, which is far more damaging than any external relationship I might create; however, I will not accept that either.

It's time to awaken to the truth, and reclaim our vessels for light.

Light is opposite to the darkness what is written in 2 Timothy 3. There are characteristics listed and we are to be opposite of what is listed. These characteristics reflect a significant moral and spiritual decline, if we do not seek repentance, forgive, and return to the Lord.

So I wanted to go 2 Timothy 3 and go over some of the key characteristics that are in that and where self-love spiritually comes into play and with that spirituality aspect of it, where we're really focused on ourselves and loving ourselves and loving God, putting him first and you know, loving ourselves and our neighbors.

Here are ways where we haven't been putting God first; ways where we haven't been loving ourselves or our neighbors.

So the first one is the first characteristic is

Self-Centeredness and Materialism:

• Lovers of self: An extreme focus on one's own desires, comfort, and benefit.

• Lovers of money (covetous): Greed and an intense desire for material wealth.

• Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God: Prioritizing personal enjoyment and gratification over devotion and obedience to God.

Pride and Arrogance:

• Boastful: Bragging, exaggerating one's own importance and achievements.

• Proud (arrogant/haughty): Having an inflated sense of self-worth, looking down on others.

• Conceited (puffed up): Vain and self-important.

Disrespect and Disobedience:

• Disobedient to parents: A lack of respect and rebellion against parental authority.

• Ungrateful: Lacking thankfulness and appreciation for others or for blessings.

• Unholy (irreverent): Disregarding what is sacred or morally good; impious.

Lack of Love and Empathy:

• Without natural affection (unloving/heartless): Lacking genuine love or compassion for others, even within families.

• Unforgiving (irreconcilable/unappeasable): Unwilling to make peace or forgive offenses, holding onto grudges.

• Brutal (fierce/savage): Cruel, harsh, or violent in nature.

• Not lovers of good (haters of good): Despising what is righteous and virtuous.

Now, I didn't say anything earlier about the parent, I wanted to wait for this part where it talks about families, and where it talks about parents. A lot of our first woundings come from our parents, and our family and that's one of those things where it's very interesting about the whole aspect of healing and one of the things that we are to look at is how we're treating our family and our parents.

The parents may not be in a position to be an authority figure, but they're certainly in a roll where you are to open your heart through forgiveness and repentance of the ways that we've judged them, the ways we've condemned them, the ways we've condemned ourselves, for repeating those things, or doing something different, maybe not what they did, but somehow some way we had sinned too. Somehow, somewhere we have hurt another person too, and finding that compassion in their story in their life journey. The same with our family members, we again, this journey opens you to recognizing how much each and every single individual person has gone through and that compassion within it… respecting our parents.

Having compassion and genuine love, even within our families, even in the most challenging situations within our families, and I know a lot of hurt really has been a source from our families, and that's where I'm talking about how long the journey is to forgiveness, sometimes because there's a lot of things that need to be healed and excavated from our heart, from our mind, from our memories, from our nervous system, but the things that we've witnessed the things we've heard and the things we felt and the behaviors that were built from that…the beliefs that were built behind that… and the choices that were made from those things.

That takes prayer, that takes time and that leads into the next description of

Unforgiving (irreconcilable/unappeasable): Unwilling to make peace or forgive

offenses, holding onto grudges.

• Brutal (fierce/savage): Cruel, harsh, or violent in nature.

• Not lovers of good (haters of good): Despising what is righteous and virtuous.

I've talked about how growing up that sensitive parts of us were made fun of you know, and they were considered weak, but they're actually strengths. Alot of people are very fearful of showing those vulnerable aspects of themselves and we need to become aware of that because a lot of us were taught that because we had to survive and to show that type of vulnerability we could be made fun of, or we could be hurt. That is because the world we've been in, and because we didn't have appropriate tools to work with within that.

Next is:

Deceit, Dishonesty, and Lack of Restraint:

• Abusive (blasphemers/revilers/demeaning): Using harmful or insulting language, verbally attacking others.

• Slanderous (false accusers/malicious gossips): Spreading false and damaging statements about others.

• Without self-control (incontinent): Unable to restrain impulses or desires. I'll slip in the fact that we justify our sins, too.

• Treacherous (traitors): Disloyal, betraying trust.

• Rash (reckless/headstrong): Acting hastily and impulsively without thought for consequences.

Last characteristic…

Spiritual Hypocrisy:

• Having a form of godliness but denying its power: Maintaining an outward appearance of religious devotion, but lacking genuine spiritual substance, transformation, or the power of God in their lives.

I want you to sit with this….if you guys have questions, feel free to contact me. I also always tell people to look up the meanings of words, look at that the origination of the words.. at the etymology of the word going back to the beginning. You could also look at the Aramaic, the Hebrew, the Greek, and the Latin translations in the Bible so you can gain more insight, more understanding of what some of the things are and what do these things mean?

One of the reasons why I started this podcast and blog was because, I've lived my life in a lot of the ways of what we just went over within this list, I lived in a lot of these characteristics.

WE have lived in a lot of these characteristics and when I read the Bible and like I said, the Bible really did mirror a lot of the situations and scenarios of my life, where if I had been equipped with the spiritual knowledge, with the physical, the mental, and the emotional knowledge then I could have handled things a little bit better, you are to build a solid foundation with Jesus as the cornerstone and if it's not built on a solid foundation, it's going to blow away.

So maybe we're really good at understanding someone’s psyche…someone's physical attributes, things of that nature, but we're not grounded somewhere else, you're on shaky ground, it's going to get destroyed when the first storm that comes blowing through. That's a lot of our lives, whether that be a relationship and that storm came and blew that relationship up, whether it's a job that you had and the storm came and blew it away, whether it's choices that we made that were lacking morals and values and a storm came and blew it away. Whatever the scenario was and whatever these characteristics where you are to reflect, where did this come in, why do I have so much anger for this person?

Also look at the fact of what I said, it's not the person, it's the principle of principality that this person had came into agreement with because of pain, because of hurt, maybe something they watched, something they listened to that was toxic or that was a of darkness filling their vessel up.

So they have an idealism of what love is… of what caring for a person is… or how to communicate with a person… or how to express anger towards a person… or maybe they just don't have that that skill set at all. So you just start learning and these things really help you examine yourself.

The Bible often presents a strong contrast between what is ungodly and what constitutes truly godly character. So while what I just read to you in 2 Timothy 3 it describes the negative traits, but when you look at the Bible in general, also it outlines the positive it's talking about God honoring characteristics.

So now I'm going to list some positives. So if you're going to go from darkness into light, you're going to repent, you're going to change your ways, you're going to change your ways of thinking, you're going to change your beliefs, your behaviors, your perceptions of things.

Well, that means you have to replace it with something. If you don't replace it with something, then your old ways of being is just going to fill it right back up again, you're the vessel, what are you going to fill up with? Well shoot, I dumped out all this bad water. Now what good water is there to put in? What knowledge am I going to put in?

You have to replace that bad habit with a good habit, otherwise, we just move from one bad habit to another bad habit to another bad habit, because that's what we know…. that's what our body will crave. So now we're to at least have some awareness of it, some type of knowledge of it, because without awareness of that bad habit, how can you shift into something new, something better?

For me, because I never sought what I didn't realize I needed…such as tools it is when you'll get in an argument or you'll be coached, and then you recognize, oh I need to know about this, and then you finally get that that revelation of knowledge.

So here is some knowledge that you can start searching and seeking for at least having an aha moment so that you can start researching it more and how do you fill your cup up with some of these positive things, right?

The first one is:

1. Love (Agape) - The Foundation: the Bible talks about love being the greatest gift there is and that characteristic is sacrificial unconditional love for God and for others.

I say sacrificial, because as a parent that unconditional love for your child, there's things you have done that were sacrifice for your child, as an example you want that cookie; and you were craving cookies all day and your baby comes in the room and they want that last cookie. You look at that last cookie You're like….mmm….. questioning yourself ….and you so you give the baby the cookie. Sacrificial, that's a form of sacrificial. Now, I am not saying to give that baby a cookie but wanted to give an example as a forms the sacrificial love, and of the ways that we give ourselves to other people because we love them.

" Sacrificial" - John 3:16 NIV - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

We no longer have to sacrifice animals but instead carry our cross daily nailing our sins to the cross. Giving up the sins that separate us from God.

Here are some additional scriptures:

o Galatians 5:22-23 AMP (Fruit of the Spirit): "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Love is listed first as the overarching fruit).

Like I said that in other scriptures, how it talks about love is being the greatest gift above any of the gift sake, the Holy Spirit can ever give you

Next in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV, which I talk about a lot that helps really heal your heart and in times of anger with people you love. This is a very good scripture, and even for yourself if you recognize you're being rude to yourself, this is the scripture, you want to speak out loud over yourself and your situation.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

o John 13:34-35 NIV: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

The next characteristic is:

Humility and Selfishness.. so a lot of us is selfish, and now we want to replace that with selflessness, so that right understanding of one's place before God, putting others before oneself.

o Philippians 2:3-4 NIV: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of

you to the interests of the others."

o Proverbs 16:18 NIV: "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." (Implies humility as the alternative).

So just remember, when you're being prideful, a form of stubbornness, or in a way, you're not choosing to see or hear, you know, that's a very good time that we want to build that awareness to understand am I being prideful right now, and how can you step into humility by listening to that other person's perspective and understanding and going from there.

o Matthew 23:12 NIV: "For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

I would like to say that, you know again where we thought vulnerability was a weakness, this is again showing the opposite of that, you don't necessarily want to exalt yourself in those proud prideful manners, in those ways of “haha, I'm above you”, “haha, I'm richer than you” moments, you know. It's about you being humbled, you humbling yourself in how you live your life, humbly…. how you treat others, humbly…. how you treat your resources, humbly and what that means.

That's where learning about the Bible and showing you how to steward, those things, and what that humble manner of which it is comes into play and again you mastering, and you reigning over sin…..this is what God said to Cain in Genesis, you're to reign over sin. Genesis 4:7

So if you allow something to master you…. your riches, your pride then that is the opposite….you're to reign over that, because if your pride gets stripped, if your finances get stripped, because the storm came in, then you're devastated. So if you remain humble, you never allowed it to master you, you understand what your true riches are. You're okay.

The next characteristic is:

Obedience and Respect for Authority: Willingly following God's commands and respecting legitimate authority, starting with parents.

I've already talked about that, and I know there may be some people like,ugh!.... but again, that's a lesson you kind of come into as you go.

o Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'—which is the first commandment with a promise— 'so that it

may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

o John 14:15 NIV: "If you love me, keep my commands."

o Romans 13:1 NIV: " Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God."

• Gratitude and Thankfulness: A heart of appreciation for God's blessings and for what others do.

o 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

“All circumstances”, you might be going through a storm but it's something that you're to find gratitude in because there is something you're to be learning in that moment. Being grateful in those situations will help pull you through those storms, and I know that's hard to say, because we've been in many storms, where we will feel that there's not any area for us to be thankful for at all, but you can find the mere gratitude that you're alive. The mere gratitude that you're breathing… the mere gratitude that you're fully functioning…. the mere gratitude that you have love and support, the gratitude that you still have prayer, that I can still say thank you, that I can still see light even in the darkness.

o Colossians 3:17 NIV: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Forgiveness and Reconciliation: A willingness to forgive others, as God has forgiven us and to seek peace.

o Colossians 3:13 NIV: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

o Matthew 6:14-15 NIV: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Self-Control and Discipline: Discipline over one's desires, impulses, and actions, prioritizing God's will.

This takes some building up if you've now had discipline and self-control. And you can see the prey on it can see to learn about it.

o Galatians 5:23 NIV: (Part of the Fruit of the Spirit) "...self-control." gentleness and

self-control. Against such things there is no law.

o Proverbs 25:28 NIV: "Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control."

o 2 Peter 1:5-6 NIV: "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self- control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness..." (continue reading the entire chapter)

The biggest thing is, Jesus is a teacher, he's going to teach. He's gonna show you how to rise up….and part of that building up is part of our job, but it's also part of the Holy Spirit, but you still have things that you are to work on to improve those areas of your life. It's a layer, it's a building up of this. So again, make every effort to add to your faith goodness and to goodness, knowledge, and knowledge self-control and you're building it, okay it doesn't mean it's going to be instant. Same as the forgiveness aspect of it, you're building up areas and foundations that unfortunately, were not built on foundations of love before…. they were broken, they were broken and they were pieced together, and we were building ourselves up the best way we could. Now you're building yourself up the right way, and it takes some work.

Integrity and Truthfulness:. Honesty, trustworthiness, and living in accordance with truth.

o Proverbs 12:22 NIV: "The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in people who are trustworthy."

o Ephesians 4:25 NIV: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body."

I think that kind of speaks for itself, but we tend to wear masks presenting ourselves in a way that we believe other people want to see us… in a way that we might feel safe… in a way that we might feel protected… in a way that is our form of armor. We also have forms of ways of lying, and that's one of the biggest things that you're to shed, is to let go of the lies and the deceits, and the things that you are not…. which is the identity of anger… the identity of offence… and the identity of “you have to do this in order to survive”, … you have to do this to be accepted and to be perfect in someone else's eyes for them to love you.

These are a list as examples.

Kindness and Goodness: Where we actively are doing good to others

o Galatians 5:22 NIV: (Part of the Fruit of the Spirit) "...kindness, goodness..." But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness

o Ephesians 4:32 NIV: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Then there is the last characteristic I wanted to go over which is: Genuine Godliness with Power:It's an authentic relationship with God that transforms one life from the inside out, evident through actions and attitudes.

o Romans 12:2 NIV: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will."

o Titus 2:11-12 NIV: "For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live

self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age..."

These godly characteristics are not just merely human efforts, but they are, parts of the Holy Spirit, they're, things that, as you a grow in your believing life in your faith walk, that you will begin to reflect the very nature of God through these positive characteristics. When it comes to knowing gods will and to know who's right, knowing the person's fruits and stuff like that, or should I accept this business deal… should I be in a relationship with this person, how should I act, all those questions where we had to almost shape shift our behaviors, our morals, and our characteristics in order to be loved and accepted by people.

We don't have to do that anymore because it's written here what is loving, pleasing and kind…. and what is accepted by God, and we don't have to bend and conform by fear of man any longer. It's about fear of God, about shifting ourselves from needing to conform and fit into society; where we are to conform and fit into God, what's written here that God had created you to be.

For so long the world tried to stomp that aspect out of us. Trust and believe me when I say there is strength there, okay, and the Bible even shows that, yeah maybe loving the kind, but there is strength there and because I have that strength because I have that power I'm choosing not to use it to do something that will, you know take me out of a good standing within my father's eyes. You know? We're all very capable of doing a lot of things. The question is, is it going to be up to our detriment or is it going to be to our benefit? Is it going to tear us down or build us up? Is it going to, build somebody else up or tear them down, these are the responsibilities that we have? Let’s be honest too, we ran from responsibility. It's knowingly or unknowingly that at some level of our consciousness we didn't want to accept a form of responsibility in some of those areas. You know, it's the realization that true healing isn’t found in just merely accepting our destructive patterns or our survival mode. But in the courageous act of reflection, repentance, casting out of the darkness, coming out of agreement with what we once came into agreement within our lives prior but because now we know better and we're choosing to do better, we've come out of agreement. You know, we've seen how those qualities listed in a 2 Timothy 3 pride, ungratefulness, lack of self-control, these are things that had separated us from our godly characteristics like love, humility, and genuine restoration that God desires for us to have.

It may seem foreign to us. It may seem difficult to us, it may seem funny. It may seem weird, especially if you are a person that had made fun of a person that displayed these godly characteristics. It's okay. You can forgive yourself and you can change your ways, because you recognize that you were doing those things because you were on that type of belief system. The journey isn't always easy, as we discussed, it's involving a pain of discipline, rather than the pain of regret. It’s choosing the pain of humility versus the pain of destroying a relationship. It's through actively choosing light and aligning ourselves with Gods word that we're truly to reclaim our vessels and live in the power that he intended. You know, and after you're done, reading this.

As you go about your day as you go about your week. I ask that you spend some time with these questions, allow them to have you have a deeper reflection in your own life, in your own interactions.

• First consider: What doors might you have unknowingly opened that allowed darkness to gain agreement in certain areas of your life.

  • So TV, music, relationships, environments, what are those things?

• Are there behaviors habits, beliefs, perceptions, or ways of thinking that you've simply accepted even though they might be destructive? What are they?

• What research have you done to recognize that there is a solution to this?

  • And if you're tired of it and before you when you didn’t want to take responsibility on what it means to fix it. Well, maybe now you'll recognize it's worth taking the time needed to put into fixing it instead of continuing the cycles that are wearing you down.

    
    

• Next reflect on those negative characteristics from 2 Timothy chapter 3

  which one, if any.. do you find yourself struggling with the most in your daily life, how might it be hindering your growth or your relationship with God? With others, with yourself?

  
  

• Finally, think about the godly characteristics we discussed…. Love, humility, self-control, forgiveness.

• Which one do you feel the Holy Spirit is calling you to cultivate more intentionally right now?

  • What's one practical step you can take this week to pursue it. To change, to repent. I encourage you to ponder these questions in your prayer.

  • If you need assistance there are prayers in YouTube, books on prayers, and you can Google search for prayers in the areas of life that is needed. Such as how do you forgive a certain situation, or how can you build yourself up in this situation, things that nature.

    • Be aware of what you're listening to when watching social media. Are those people displaying, godly or ungodly characteristics from the list above. Then you can see what the fruit’s of that person is and what seeds they're planting in you every time you're listening to them, because you're filling your vessel up. Even right now, and you can even question, am I filling you up in a way that is Godly to build you up and construct you or tear you down, is it going to build up an establish relationships with God, and other people, including yourself, or is it going to tear you down, and then when you listen to somebody else you're going to ask that same question.

We originally tend to go to certain sources of information because they mirror the beliefs we already have and like I said, you're to replace those things now.

So with this, I hope it brings you awareness to when you're listening to something, when you're watching something…whether it be music books, TV, whatever social media, whatever you're watching, whatever you're listening to, whatever you're doing. Start reflecting and examining yourself, ask “am I in ungodly traits or godly traits and start right there and repent and change your ways right then and there.

Example:

“Ooh, did that just come out of my mouth… I was just talking about someone! Ooh, Lord, I repent, forgive me and I choose to change my ways. No, I do not accept this and I come out of agreement with this gossip, and you know, if we're going to continue to talk about this person, I'm going to have to leave this conversation because I believe they have a chance to change just like anybody else…including me too, and whatever you have to say, whatever the conversation is, say something positive. Reverse. Recall. Nullify what you just said about that person. Repent. Change ways. Pray up to God with how you repent for all that was said and help him, help you to change your ways and you'll be amazed at what God will do for you. With that repentance, with that forgiveness, with that awareness of you wanting to change, and what seems impossible to man, it's not possible to him.

So I know a lot of time, sometimes we don't want to even deal with things because the battle is uphill, the battle is up a mountain and it feels like we're not going to make it to the top, or it feels like we're not going to make it to the other side. That’s the reason why we have our faith, it's that reason why we just take that step and then we take that next step, and we take that next step, and we take that next step until you know you're going to make it on other side. Sometimes you might feel like you are going to make it, and the next day you may feel like you're not, you may start coming up against strong stormy winds trying to knock you off your path that you just created to get up that mountain.

Yeah, you might have to push pause. There might be a slight detour, there might be time of backslide, there might be times when you're double-minded and debating about you know everything and that's part of it. Even in a relationship with a partner, you know, you might be double-minded on that, why did I deal with them, you know, things in nature, you might be wanting to backslide, because of a certain growth period that you're having, a certain wind that might be coming in. Same with a job, these things are not different. It's just it's in your face, some of these things, where your spiritual aspect of it, the transformation that you're making is unseen you're not going to see theimmediate progress for a while.

Sometimes you might, sometimes you won't, and then you're going to have those storms coming up and that immediate thing that you see is the old thing that you can grasp on to.

Where the unseen thing you can't easily grasp onto, but you gotta hold on and stand firm in your faith and know, God is going to get you through.

Research and pray and be open to listening to his leading and who he puts in your path to help teach you, to walk you on a journey of learning and being open to be the student and eventually becoming willing to be the teacher. We already are in that role right now whether at our job or whether with our family, whatever it is, we're learning and then we take it and teach another person, and like I said, if he just snapped his finger and took it all away what testimony would you have of you coming up and out of that storm? Or walking up the mountain and getting on the other side.

So I think I'll leave it here, but I do hope that this helps you because it's time to take the band aids off for the temporary solutions and go for more of the long-term fixes. It's not necessarily easy compared to just sitting down and watching Netflix or sitting down in getting your nails done or your hair done and then going about your day and continuing the cycles. Those are known, but we also know that those are unfruitful and those little blessings that come in between of the respite, just so you can pick up the battle again. Only to continue to be in the continuous cycles…its time to break the cycles.

I am a Faith Based Life Coach. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. I hope this has helped and blessed someone today.